Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Press @^$#%* for assistance

Welcome to Crappy Customer Service Ltd! If you are a moron, press 1; if you are a moron who thinks u r intelligent, press 2; if this menu makes no sense, press 3 (Customer: Snoring....), If you regret calling us, press 4 .....if you thought you wud get prompt response, press 7, to go back to the previous menu press 8, to talk to our customer care exekutive, press 9, (Customer: Snoring....) - Sorry, we have not received your input, your call is being transferred to our customer care representatives. This call may be recorded for internal training and quality purposes (Customer: Snoring)

Helpful Exekutive: "Hello, welcome to Crappy Customer Service Ltd, My name is Parthasarathy. I am glad to take your call this morning, how can I help you?.... Hello? ....Hellow?

Customer (with a start): Oh...so you are here finally!

Helpful Exekutive: Hello, welcome to Crappy Customer Service Ltd, My name is Parthasarathy. I am glad to take your call this morning, how can I help you?

Customer (groggy): Hmmm, let me see how you can help.... what company did u say you are?

Helpful Exekutive: Hello, welcome to Crappy Customer Service Ltd, My name is Parthasarathy. I am glad to take your call this morning, how can I help you?

Customer: Oh! Yeah! I just wanted to know an additional entry in the statement for this month.

Helpful Exekutive: May I know your Customer Identification Number Sir?

Enter

Helpful Exekutive: Can you please enter your Telephone Identification Number, Sir?

Enter

Helpful Exekutive: Thank you very much sir. Do I have your permission to put your call on hold while I retrieve the data sir?

Customer (dozing off again): Huh-uh

Music, sounding like lullaby

Helpful Exekutive: Thanks for your patience, Mr. Sleepyhead. For verification purposes, can I know your address?

Customer: Prem Gali, Kholi number 420

Helpful Exekutive: Can you also help me with your date of birth?

Customer: Sometime in the last century

Helpful Exekutive: Thanks for the information Mr. Sleepyhead! Are you an authorised signatory on this account?

Customer: No, this account belongs to my wife and I just want to know about one entry in the statement.

Helpful Exekutive: Sorry sir, we cannot provide information to only the authorised signatory.

Customer: But she is out of town and I need to know this

Helpful Exekutive: Sorry sir, our process doesn't permit us to do it.

Customer: (Disappointed): Alright

Helpful Exekutive: Thank you for calling Crappy Customer Service Ltd. It was a pleasure talking to you sir. Hope you have a great....beep....beep.....